Starting to do 'normal' everyday things once again!

Things are gradually getting back to normal now. 

I managed to do up my trousers for Christmas day for a few hours and it wasn't as bad as I thought to sit down with them done up. They were the jeans that I wore to hospital, so aren't tight around the waist but still, it's a start. 

I went into town today, just for an hour. It was a struggle, as I hadn't realised that I need to walk slow as my legs pull on my stomach if I stretch my legs too far. And it's difficult to turn wearing shoes, as the grip they have on the floor cause extra pressure on my stomach too!

I actually ended up being forced to drive for 5 minutes on Christmas day, as my boyfriend had had a few drinks and had totally forgotten that I hadn't been able to drive. Apart from pulling out of the space and then parking, I managed to steer left handed, so I coped. Not sure I'll be rushing to drive just yet though. The pulling was very uncomfortable!

I also have had a few moments where my chest scar has felt like I was stabbed instantaneously. Today, I even dropped my cutlery because of it, as I was in the middle of dinner.

I have been retrying the other programs in my stimulator but they are still either too powerful and feel too much pressure or they are pinchy and uncomfortable. I can cope with program 4 but only low but then I can't rely feel it. So still, program 3 is basically all I have got. 

I'm not sure to what extent it is helping with my ON pain. I know it is helping with the low level pain at the back of my head and head pain in the front temple area. They are fairly every day levels of pain and the stimulator seems to ensure that I don't feel or notice them pretty quickly. I'm not sure that I've experienced any higher levels of pain to test the stimulator against as of yet! 

The scars are looking pretty good now. 

My hair is growing back fast and to be honest it covers a lot of the bumpy areas where I can feel the lead and wires. The scar is very neat but the area next to it is still raised and numb.

The right hand half of this scar is quite raised and I think it rubs on clothing, causing a prickly sensation. 

I know I have put on a little bit of weight around my stomach area, probably also lost some muscle definition but the scar here is looking straighter and less indented than ever. I'm feeling a lot happier about it now! 

Getting there

It's now been a month since my operation and the scars are healing well.

My stomach scar is looking less and less odd so I'm hoping it will sort itself out fully in time. It is still very tender and I can't do up trousers properly as the waist band is on top of this area. The odd twisty feeling I get when standing or sitting up is now getting less.

My chest scar has always looked good but is still pretty tender and the muscle underneath is still fairly sore.

My head scar is still raised but the actual scar is barely noticeable! The skin on the raised area and to the right, up to behind my ear, is still partially numb and doesn't have normal feeling. 

I now turn the stimulator on when I wake up and turn it off when I go to bed. I do intend to try it overnight to see if I sleep better, as I am struggling to get to sleep and sleep all the way through the night at the moment. 

The turned up version of the 3rd program setting is now not pinching and feels fine. I can feel it more constantly now but not in annoying way. 

I guess I should now give the other programs a go now to see how I feel about them now that they might not be so pinchy!!

I am now switched on....

The past 3 days I have finally had the courage to turn the implant on!

It's strange but not horrid. 

The first program I used, number 3, I seemed to get used to within a few minutes, so I turned it up, but then couldn't feel that after a little either. Strangely though, I could feel it more if I tilted my head to the right, rested my head against the sofa or the oddest one, had the wand and remote connected to the battery! 

Today I tried a different program, number 5, but within a coule of minutes I had to change it, as it was too sharp despite being on the lowest level. I changed it to program 4, which is a more 'tappy' but again I have got used to over a short while and then barely feel it.

I am not sure yet how well it is helping with the ON pain, as with all the other pain and recovery, I don't know that I'm experiencing higher levelled ON pain . And the lower level constant pain I feel seems masked by the stiffness and surgery discomfort that I am still feeling.

The incisions though are looking a lot better. The chest one looks amazing and I can tell will eventually be barely noticeable. The one at the back of my head is still raised but is neat and I still have numbness between it and my war. My stomach incision is neat but still puckered and odd shaped. It might be getting slightly better but it's hard to tell' 

Chest

Head

Stomach

Emotional

The night before last I just randomly broke into tears!!!! So unlike me. I'm guessing what I've been through is finally hitting me, so have decided to wait until next week to turn my implant on.

I'm not in any rush! I've put up with this ON pain for so long, I can cope I little bit longer.

My stomach incision is still upsetting me, as it's still puckered and wonky! I think I can feel the battery right underneath the scar, so I was wrong in thinking that it was resting on the scar. I now have no idea why it is such an odd shape!! Everyone just keeps saying it will sort itself out over time....and, it's not that bad....and, it's better than being in your chest....but I still have a deformed body! I kind of blame myself because I was the one who demanded not having it in my chest, so I feel like I brought this on myself!

Not sure how that is ever going to straighten up!!! :(

My other incisions look ok.

The chest one is perfect...

The one on my head is still pretty lumpy but am presuming that will go down as the scabs from behind have only just come off! 

Only time will let for any of this now, I guess!! 

Surgical staples removed

I've just come back from the doctors to have my staples removed. I have to say, I never thought it would be so painful! I totally hadn't prepared for it at all, as I thought it be nothing.

At one point it felt like I was being ripped open and I went all sweaty and hot!!! 

She started with my head and apparently the clips had some scabbing over them so they were difficult to remove. I asked her to do my chest next, as I stupidly thought that would be easy as it was flat, I was wrong! This was the worst!!!!! My stomach though was easy, as she could move the skin to help get the staples out.

So, at 12 days post op, the incisions looks good and apparently very neat.

I am now finding it more difficult than I was to lift things right handed and stretch, as the incision is so tender and feels like it's ripping. Am sure that will sort itself out eventually but for now it's not what I expected!! 

A week post Cyborg...

I just haven't got my head round the fact that I need to take control of my implant yet!

It's still weird that I have got to select and choose what, when, how. So I basically haven't had it turned on as of yet! It's all just a bit too much to cope with. 

I can now feel where the leads are and where they have gone. It's most obvious at my neck and over my collarbone but I can feel it just going over the bottom of my ribs too. I can also feel the paddle part of the lead sitting at the base of my head. 

I am still dealing with the aftermath of the operation, such as getting little nerve twinges at the back of my head, pulling and aching from my head and chest incision and sore areas where the leads where tunnelled or are positioned. 

I am thinking that once I have the surgical staples removed, hopefully some of the discomfort will ease and then maybe I can focus on the benefits I will hopefully get from the implant.

I also am still having some issues with the numbness of my right ear. The top and bottom of the ear more or less feel normal but the middle of the outside is numb and also gets strange pulling pain. It's so annoying!! The area behind the ear when the lead is tunnelled is also the same. It doesn't help that that is where the dressing has to stick to cover the incision of my head. I am having trouble with this dressing as the different type is ensuring the blisters are drying up but it just doesn't stick for long! I am changing it every 2 days. 

And my hair is so frustrating....it's still caked in iodine and this is now pulling on my head at the back. Guess it's like dreadlocks!!! I've done my best to comb it out but really it needs a good wash, but with this dressing not being stick properly and do not waterproof, guess I'm gonna have to wait a while!! Grrrrrr!

Here are some new incision photos.....7 and 8 days on.

You can see this stomach incision is still very swollen and weird shaped. 

This is a photo looking upward so you can see the overhang at the top. I think that feels like my battery there, but hard to tell as its all very tender to touch!

Incision photos

Here are some photos of my incisions.

First, is my back of head. This is 2 days post op.

I have developed a small blister at the bottom. Apparently this is due to the dressing used, so the nurse applied a slightly different and smaller one!

I also have still got a numb right ear and side of face but have been told the feeling will eventually come back. Think it is a bit more normal today but not back to normal.

Here is my chest incision, 3 days post op.

Not sure why they didn't use their drawn on line to make the incision but too late now. 

You can just make out the leads coming from my neck towards the incision.

It looks fine but I did get a sore patch on the edge of the dressing, so I've made sure that the new dressing is at a different angle.

You can see the sore patch at the bottom of the photo.

Here is my stomach incision, 3 days post op.

This is the only one I'm unhappy about at the moment, as it's weirdly indented. I'm hoping this is just because of swelling and the surgical staples pulling the skin in. 

It's more obvious in this photo....

Pretty unsightly at the moment!!

Also I am still being sick!!!! Yesterday I managed to eat quarter of a pizza but soon afterwards it all came back up! I was then too afraid to take the morphine I was given so went to bed just on paracetamol. To be honest, I had a decent night's sleep! I only woke up to change position. Slept from 12 until 9am!! :)