Friday, 28 February 2014

9 more months plus.....

Not the kind of news you want hear, especially when you have been bothering people for over a month to find out how long the waiting list for the stimulator implant might be!! .....9 months plus!!
It also came at the worst time for me to think about the true consequences of that, as it was whilst recovery in hospital from my tonsillectomy that I received the email!!! I couldn't cry at the point...or get angry! My tonsil (or absense of) pain wouldn't allow me! 
I just can't stop thinking about what this means for my life! Well, of course it's going to be on hold for A LOT longer than I anticipated. 
It means that I will now be waiting until the next academic year, so I can't consider changing jobs or roles for September, as I will not be able to say I have had the life changing operation by then!
It means that my hope of thinking I could possibly move on with my life and start doing things everyone else seems to be doing won't now happen til 2015! 
I just can't imagine it! I'm stuck! Stuck where I am for the time being...& that, overall, is not the best place for me!
Life moves on for everyone around me...but I can't! 
At the moment I can't even think what to do in the meantime! I've done everything I possibly can to make my work life manageable! I've fought things I shouldn't have had to, just to make my work easier for me to manage...yet there is no end to this waiting!!!
So, does it mean I'm going to have to have another procedure that is a waste of time and strength, as they never last long, just to see me through!? But then if I do that and my stim op comes through, will they do it....because I won't be able to say that the stil is lowering the pain, if it is being controlled from the previous procedure!!!!
This is so infuriating!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!

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