Irritated.....

Recently I have generally been irritated by my stimulator, no matter what program I use!

I tend to feel it a lot more than I used to, even on low settings, and it is really quite annoying. Because of the low frequencies I use, it feels like a heart beat or pulse in the back of head! It is pretty disconcerting. I used to get this if I rested my head against something that pressed on the lead but now it happens when my head is not resting on anything at all!

I have also noticed that the left end of the lead seems to stick out more than it used to. I'm not sure if this is due to weight loss! Can you lose weight on the back of your neck??

I am still having the battery flipping issue too. 

I am awaiting a phone consultation from the consultant on 14th October. I guess this will be to discuss the issues with the battery and where to go next. I am Hong though that Mike from St Jude's had filled him in on the potential end of the line of settings to try with my stim, as I feel that this is also a big issue that I need to know what options are available ....or not!!

A couple of weeks back I had a coupe of days where I had weakness in my right hand. I have no idea if it is related to my ON but it seems pretty coincidental. I basically went to write something down and I couldn't physically hold the pen with any control. I was unable to write properly and my hand would spasm at points, making my handwriting look all over the place. I continually tried to corvette this issue through practise, but I had little fine motor control for almost 12 hours!! My hand and arm felt heavy and odd and I couldn't generally control it. It was so strange, but it hasn't happened since. 

I have been experiencing higher pain levels for a longer period of time than usual and throughout this have had extreme dizziness to combat too.

The programs I have set on my stim at the moment don't appear to be helping in any way. I either can't cope with the pulse or it is pinchy or too strong, or it is just my everyday program that doesn't break through the worse pain levels. I have usually been riding it out and it drops in intensity within a few days, by this time it hasn't and has lasted well over a week at this pain level!

Yet another September with no idea if I'll make it!

So, here is another September, the start of a new school year, when the worry sets in about whether I will make it through this year. 

To be honest, it's more like will I make it through this term!! 

Last year was different, I had support in that I shared my class and I had one day out the classroom doing other educational work. BUT this year that has been taken away, despite the fact that I am in the same position as I was a year ago.....waiting for the permanent stimulator.

The two years before that though were truly difficult. I only just made it to the end of September both years. I had temporary operation after temporary operation but it meant I had about half the year out of work.

I really don't want that to be my future this year!! I NEED that operation to save my career and sanity!

Already, since the summer, my pain has increased. It is still up and down but the highest levels are much more often and much more painful than there were during my holidays.

Today I experienced my first dizzy spell whilst teaching. I know I can almost manage to ensure the children don't really notice but I know this is just the start. I've been back at work for 6 days!!!

This is utterly ridiculous :(