Operation complete

It's all over!!!

I actually made it...finally. The op is done and I now have my stimulator implanted.

I have to say the first day was rough!!!

After coming round in recovery, apparently I was in theatre for about an hour and a half, I was in so much pain from my abdomen! Every breathe was hard and I was moaning in pain. I maxed out the amount of morpheme they could give me (16mg, I think) and eventually it settled and I could cope! But the problem then was that I felt sick. I mentioned this in recovery but as I'd already been in there for 2 hours, I think they just wanted me back upstairs in my room! 

I was glad to see my partner again but being sick hurt sooooo much! I had no sick bowl though, so ended up being sick in a carrier bag, with my boyfriend running around trying to find a nurse to get a bowl! But then I used all of those and my boyfriend had to rinse them out so I could continue being sick. Disgusting!! 

Sadly this continued so I didn't get to eat anything!! 

The anti sickness drug they gave me made me ultra dizzy, which was horrid!

The worst part though was getting up to go to the toilet!! Wow!! I couldn't even stand up straight, so shuffled, bent over like an old woman. Then struggled to sit down on the loo!!

Later on I was made to eat some bread & butter so that I could take ibuprofen. I immediately was sick after going to the toilet. Horrid! 

After an appealing night's sleep (think I only got 2 hours in one chunk) I woke to a different painkiller, oramorph, that seems to work for me! I managed breakfast and so feel a lot more myself. 

Then the St Jude's rep visited to set up my frequency programs.

This was so interesting! It's all working well and the middle of the lead seems to give the best results, which is what would be hoped for. 

I held the wand, which was attached to the control and his PDA so that he could change the intensity and frequencies to find what works best and gives the best coverage. Apparently I seem to prefer high banded frequencies, where the feeling holds for longer and is therefore slower.

I now have 5 frequencies set now, so I can try there over the next 6-8 weeks and see what works and what I like most etc.

This morning, I have also even managed to shower my bottom half, as have dressings everywhere else, and change into pyjamas! 

Feeling a lot better!! 

Seems like it's going ahead...this time!!

I am now getting to the last few days before the op, so am getting things prepared and doing things for the last time before I become a 'cyborg'! 

So went to the gym for the last time today! Am now at my fittest, slimmest and most toned EVER...so am a bit annoyed that I know I'm going to lose some of this hard work and have to get to this point again once I've recovered! 

I have also booked a haircut for Wednesday (day before the op) so that I know my hair is in good condition and won't need cutting for a whole afterqard, so I have time to heal! Also my lovely hairdresser has left, so am checking out a new one and filing her in on my op....and shaved hair nightmare!!!

I am starting to pack my bag and think what I need to take or have done before I go into hospital! 

It's all a bit surreal but I don't think it will truly hit me into I've actually had it done and by then I'll just have to cope with the aftermath!!!

New date = 20th November :(

After speaking to my consultant's PA yesterday, it seems that an urgent private patient has priority and so my operation has to change.

She has no idea about it until that morning, so doesn't know how a letter has got to me without her knowing first. Either way she was as annoyed as me! 

I asked how likely it is that this new date will also change, because I'll get bumped along once again, but she ensured me that she will not let it happen to me again.

I will now definitely be unable to do a few things that are planned early December, as there's no way I'll be ready to travel anywhere by that point! I just hope it doesn't ruin my Christmas too!!!!

So.....2 weeks to go then....seems like a long way off now :(

Really....??? What else can possibly go wrong???

So I have arrived back from a really chilled weekend away at a spa hotel, to prepare me for my operation and to have some quality time with my boyfriend....to find a letter from the hospital changing my operation date!!!!!!!!!!

I am soooo stressed and angry that I don't know how to cope with all this. It may sound silly but I have everything sorted, from clearing the freezer to planning when to take nail varnish off & wash hair etc. Not only that, it will mess up all the forward planning to ensure my class at school have as little disruption as possible. 

Obviously I am going to call up first thing in the morning to find out why this has happened and if I can still go with 6th November, but I just don't know what to do for the best!! 

I know these things happen, and there will be plenty of people who will say it has also happened to them, but it's already happened to me once....why again??! 

Answers to my questions....

My consultant called late yesterday evening and I have now had chance to ask some of the many questions I have about the stimulator surgery.

I only asked the most pressing questions, as I felt I would seem utterly crazy if I asked every single one. Some i will just find out when he discusses the surgery and recovery next Thursday on my surgery day.

 

Question #1

Do I have a choice where the battery is placed?

I explained that I don't think I can cope with it in my chest/clavicle area, and after losing almost 2 stone and putting on a lot of muscle, I felt I don't have any space there anyway! 

He agreed and suggested having the battery in the abdomen. I am happy with that, as it can be covered with clothes and won't be so bad if it does stick out slightly. He says he will need to get an extension was to do it, but it won't be a problem. 

Yay! So glad I have got past that issue.

Question #2

Will I be under sedation of general anaesthetic for the surgery?

I will be under general the whole time.

That's good with me, as I just didn't want to be under sedation for the whole thing. Although I must make sure I mention that I had a reaction to it when I had my tonsils out in Febuary. 

Question #3

Will my hair need to be shaved?

Apparently he will need to shave a small area just behind the ear!!!

Aaaaasahhhh! No way! Don't think I expected that. I know my hair will cover it and it won't be a total undercut but I really don't want to spend years regrowing my hair. I've spent long enough getting it to the length it is now! 

Question #4

How long is the stay in hospital?

Just out of interest I wanted to see what he said about this...he said 1 night. Well, I just moved on from that as I know that I'm in 2 nights now anyway.

Question #5

How long will I need off work for recovery?

He said usually 2-4 weeks. I reminded him that I was a primary school teacher and that I can't do less than 100% of my job when I am there. He said I could take a month off!

I know he ALWAYS under estimates the time I need off work to be able to work at 100 miles an hour with 30 kids all day long....so I'm looking at after Christmas realistically, I guess. I will definitely need a phased return too tho, as I can't contemplate going from this to a 50-60 hour week. 

Overall I'm soooooo glad that he called to be able to answer these most pressing questions. I feel that I can now prepare myself for the operation, knowing the things I NEED to know! I know most seem to be about vanity and how I will look, but I need to live with this! 

So, now it's onto planning the shopping and ensuring there will be things in the fridge/freezer that can just be put in the oven, as I'm not going to be cooking for a while. I am also making a delicious cake and freezing it, so that it can just be defrosted and the buttercream put in the middle. So when I am home after being in hospital....voila....instant cake!! And cake makes me happy!!!!! 

Paperwork has arrived!!!

A couple of days ago the paperwork finally arrived. For some reason it took almost 2 weeks but at least it's here. It is confirmed. I do believe it's actually gonna happen now!

Only thing....it states an expected stay of one night in hospital! That just doesn't sound enough, especially as I am only arriving at the hospital at 11.30am, so guessing my surgery isn't until the afternoon. How can I possibly go home less than 24 hours later!? ...as discharge time is between 9-10am.

Anyway, I emailed my consultant's PA just to check. She said that she was asked to provisionally book just one night but that it could be more. I explained my stress and that I couldn't be picked up on the Friday, as my partner would be at work, so she has booked 2 nights. She says it could still be more! 

At least this way I KNOW that I won't be pushed out and have no where to go or have no one at home! Phew!!

I was supposed to get a call from my consultant today, but despite having my phone beside me all day, still nothing and it's now 5pm!

I hope he calls. I really need to know so many things!!! 

Got a date!

It has been confirmed that my permanent stimulator operation will be Thursday 6th November.

I am pleased and anxious at the same time!

To finally have a date (which had better be the real thing) after such a long and gruelling wait it amazing. I will be able to potentially get on with my life, career and maybe never worry about how I will feel and if I will cope again.

BUT...I don't really want this! I've got no choice. At the moment this is my only option.

I am worried about where I will have the battery pack placed. I can cope with the scars, it's the battery protruding from my skin that I don't think I can cope with. I've seen photos of other people's and its nit what I want! I am intentionally on a calorie controlled diet now, so that I show how little space there is for a battery pack under my collar bone. I have got pretty muscly there too, since joining the gym, and believe it's just going to stick out even more because of that.

I am hoping to talk my consultant round to putting it elsewhere, as he is going to call me for a telephone consultation the week before the op. Fingers crossed!

So, in just 3 weeks time, I will (hopefully) be ready to go to hospital and become a cyborg (as so many of the children at school have already named me!) 

I just hope that this is all worth it it. That is gives me my life back and that the pain, dizziness and uncomfortable tightness eases and can be controlled. 

I am awaiting the paperwork, so that it really feels like it is going ahead. It should be here by the end of the week.

On a lighter note, some of the children on my class, acted out my operation at playtime today. They put me to sleep through a canula, cut me open, fed stick wires through and then sewed me up with neon yellow thread....apparently!! Made me smile and at least they are starting to understand. 

Educating the masses about ON has begun!!